John Deere: American Farmer

Recently, my mother bought the computer game "John Deere: American Farmer" at a thrift store, thinking that Matthew would enjoy it.

He likes it.

He doesn't actually plow his fields at the correct time, and I don't think he's ever planted anything, but he enjoys it.

His sisters enjoy it as well.

Me, especially.

There's a little adrenaline rush I get when I click "Harvest field" and the little farm worker avatar drives the combine to my 153 acre corn field and harvests the corn for me. Then I "Transfer grain" and the combine drives over to the silo and deposits the grain. And then, then!! I can sell the grain. And make money.

Then I can use my income to pay for seed and crop dusting.

You can also have beef cattle, dairy cattle and animals of the pigish type.

I love it.

Let me tell you about the workers.

In this game, you are the head honcho. You get to pick a farmer avatar that looks like you (only mine is blond.....??) and you can change it's name to yours (only...my name is "Holly").

You never leave. You are always on the farm...because it's your farm. There are no vacations.

Then you have the farm workers. At the beginning of the game, you get a family member. I used to like to think of it as my spouse. I would pick the most handsome farm worker avatar and name him "Leonardo DiCaprio" or "James McAvoy" or "Dally"...meaning Dallas from "The Outsiders."

Real mature...I know, I know.

I then figured out...after a while, this second family member gets sick of working on your farm...and LEAVES.

Then I was so emotionally scarred from having all of my husbands leave me, I started just picking "Hank" or "Christopher" or "Ed" to be my other family member. My brother, maybe.

You can also gain family members (after your initial one LEAVES YOU) because your cousin Jeff lost his job and needs a place to stay. So, naturally, you let him come work on your farm. Then, eventually, Jeff gets tired of working and LEAVES. But, before you know it, your sister Janice lost her husband and needs a place to live....and bingo, you have another worker.

You can also hire employees.

Warning: all caps being used for emphasis.

HIRING EMPLOYEES IS MY FAVORITE THING...BECAUSE THEY CAN'T LEAVE YOU WHEN THEY GET TIRED OF WORKING!!! THEY CAN ONLY COMPLAIN!!! HA!

I'm such a loving farm boss.

I'm not very patient when it comes to this game. John just finished harvesting the vegetables? Great!! Now go plant the sunflowers! This goes on, and on, and on, and my farm workers never have a chance to rest.

THERE'S NO RESTING ON MY FARM!!

THERE IS ONLY PLOWING!!

AND PLANTING!!

AND MILKING!!

AND MONEY-MAKING!!

Then my farm workers complain.

The divas.. Who do they think they are?? I AM THE BOSS!!

So I'll click on Ed and tell him to clean the barn...and he'll say "whatever, dude..."

And then I tell Janice to sell the flowers..and she'll groan and say "work never ends, does it?

I am a terrible farm boss.

I can't keep family members. They leave.

I can only keep employees. They complain.

I have so much fun.