Pride and Prejudice love triangles, Clarissa Edition

Clarissa got a little carried away drawing love triangles. I decided to ask her to explain them to me. Try to keep it all straight as she skips around to different people. Can you imagine how confusing the book would be if all this was true?:)

"Mary likes Collins, but Charlotte is married to Collins, so Charlotte and Mary are fighting over Collins. Mary also like Colonel Forster, and Mrs. Forster and Mary are fighting over him. Charlotte and Elizabeth both 'admire' Colonel Forster, so they are fighting over him. Actually, Collins can't decide between Charlotte and Elizabeth. He loves them both. Okay, Elizabeth and Ms. King are fighting over Colonel Forster. He's just the man to be fighting over; it's because he looks so good in his red coat. Alright, now, Darcy and Wickham both love Elizabeth. Ms. King and Georgiana both love Wickham. Wickham can't decide between Lydia and Georgiana. Um, Ms. de Bourge and Elizabeth are fighting over Mr. Darcy. Ms. de Bourge also loves Fitzwilliam. Miss Bingley loves Darcy and Bingley. Georgiana and Jane are fighting over Bingley. Lydia and Georgiana are fighting over Bingley. Now let's go back to Miss Bingley for a second so we can get the random guy at the dance in. Okay, Miss Bingley is in love with Captain Carter and the random guy at the dance. The Random Guy at the dance and Bingley are, like, secretly in loooove with Hill in their hearts because she's just so good at her job. Oh, Bingley and Jane are fighting over Hill because they both want her as their personal servant or something. Collins is secretly in love with Miss de Bourge as well as Elizabeth. Jane and Hill love Bingley's servant. Even though Jane is married to Bingley. She loves his servant too, also. (grammar? must be a homeschooler:) Okay, then, um, Bingley's servant and Hill love Mr. Bennet. Mrs. Bennet and Bingley's servant both love Mr. Bennet. We don't know if Bingley's servant is a man or a woman. Captain Carter and Denny both love Kitty. Denny and the Random Guy at the dance both love Hill. Ok, um.......Wickham and Denny also both love Kitty. All the redcoats love Kitty, Lydia just doesn't know it. (annoying laughter) Um, Denny - no, wait, Lydia can't decide between Wickham and Denny. Oh, Mrs. Bennet loves Denny and Wickham. Elizabeth loves the Random Guy and the dance and Bingley. I'll marry Mr. Darcy!!"

There you have it:)